K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Randomize
