if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
