I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize