I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
