i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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