I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
