i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
