Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
