so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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