ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
