Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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