This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
