My friends, they love my intelligence
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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