at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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