is your mom at the bar?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
