i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
