they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize