Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
