i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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