why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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