just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize