Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
