I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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