$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
