So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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