We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize