you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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