guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
