never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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