Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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