he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
