so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
