Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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