my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
