I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
