Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
