pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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