OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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