I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
