We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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