when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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