i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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