yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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