i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
