I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
