youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
