apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were trust falling into bushes
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
