I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
