Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
well most of my day revolves around power hour
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
