So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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