i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
