dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As shirtless as possible
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
