and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
