WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
