Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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