I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
