He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
