I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
