my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
