i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
