I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
