I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
