So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Drunk is not a location!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
