I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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