remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
