What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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