it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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