so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
