Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
