i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
