He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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