I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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