My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
