New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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